ANNOYING THE ESPADA
by Lilly Snow
Summary: Suicidal perhaps, but lets face it people, these guys are just asking to be annoyed! READ AND REVIEW OR I WILL FIND YOU. XD
1. Yammy

**ANNOYING THE ESPADA**

I slept over at my friend's house and we got bored so here's the result! Does it make sense? NO! Is it supposed to? NO!  
These are _the _most suicidal and mental ideas our sleep deprived brains could think of. ENJOY!

Co Written with _'Ronnie Kobayashi' _and_ 'Rai Novak' _ whoopee.

BLEACH IS NOT OURS! nor are any other terms in here.

* * *

Chapter 1: Pissing off Yammy

1.) Hide all of his food.

2.) poke him with a flaming stick

3.) put him in a christmas sweater and force him to sing "jingle bells"

4.) Rip off that god damn annoying thing on his head

5.) cover his entire body in duct tape. let him do the rest.

6.) Insinuate that Nnoitora and he had "le sexy time"

7.) survive after doing so

8.) die all of his clothes pink. when he asks you why, say "it matches your personality"

9.) force him to watch every episode of teletubbies ever made.

10.) stab him with a rubber chicken

11.) fill his hollow hole with wet paper towel

12.) wrap every individual thing in his room with wrapping paper. Casually ask if he is feeling the holiday cheer.

13.) Call him anorexic

14.) lock him in a room full of manikins all dressed like him. tape results.

15.) duct tape him to the floor and play the chicken dance on a 48 hour loop. Put on-line

16.) Make this list in the first place! XP

* * *

With luck, this is the first of many crack fics centered around pissing off the strongest arrancars. At the end, maybe I'll throw in some mayhem for Aizen, Gin, and Tosen to boot. XD Review and all that nice shits. Peace off.


	2. Aaroniero

**ANNOYING THE ESPADA**

I slept over at my friend's house and we got bored so here's the result! Does it make sense? NO! Is it supposed to? NO!  
These are _the _most suicidal and mental ideas our sleep deprived brains could think of. ENJOY!

Co Written with _'Ronnie Kobayashi' _and_ 'Rai Novak' _ whoopee.

BLEACH IS NOT OURS! nor are any other terms in here.

* * *

Chapter 2: Pissing off Aaroniero

1.) duct tape him to a plank and set him up in the sun.

2.) refer to him as "dick head"

3.) constantly ask him if that makes his mask a condom

4.) tell him that one head looks better than the other

5.) offer popcorn to passersby as they argue

6.) randomly tell him that he got his ass kicked by a girl

7.) tell him to see a doctor about the "two heads thing"

8.) throw snow cones at him

9.) call him "Sandy Claws"

10.) set him up on a blind date with Loly

11.) randomly break open the ceiling during said date so the light comes in

12.) tell him that he looks fat

13.) 'accidentally' shrink all of his clothes

14.) scare the shit out of him with a flood light

15.) force him to sing 'Barbie Girl' into a pink hairbrush.

16.) Tape results and show at the next Espada meeting

17.) Live after completing this list! XD

* * *

With luck, this is the second of many crack fics centered around pissing off the strongest arrancars. My minimum is 15, but I don't have a maximum. XD Review and all that nice shits. Peace peeps. XP


	3. Szayel

**ANNOYING THE ESPADA**

I slept over at my friend's house and we got bored so here's the result! Does it make sense? NO! Is it supposed to? NO!  
These are _the _most suicidal and mental ideas our sleep deprived brains could think of. ENJOY!

Co Written with _'Ronnie Kobayashi' _and_ 'Rai Novak' _ whoopee.

BLEACH IS NOT OURS! nor are any other terms in here.

* * *

Chapter 3: Pissing off Szayel

1.) force him to watch barney

2.) tell him pink really isn't his color

3.) mention that Aaroniero is more attractive than he is

4.) destroy all of his clothes and leave him with nothing but the ugliest polka-dot sweater you can find and track pants

5.) take a picture of him in said get up and tape it to every wall in Las Noches

6.) when he tries to kill you, tell him, "it's an improvement, trust me"

7.) ask him if he is secretly straight and is too embarrassed to tell his boyfriend

8.) pretend to confuse him with cotton candy

9.) give him an asymmetrical mustache

10.) randomly walk up behind him and menacingly whisper "Hello Pinkie"

11.) throw a party and don't invite him.

12.) ask him if he would rather have 'le sexy time' with Aizen or himself.

13.) follow him with a camera. when he asks why, say you're making a documentary about a gay homo fag_*_ with obvious daddy issues

14.) wrap everything in his lab in bubble wrap and tape reaction

15.) put apple juice in a beaker, drink it in front of him, then casually say, "If someone has diabetes, they're pee is sweet. this person needs medication."

16.) Use this as a checklist. XP

* * *

With luck, this is the third of many crack fics centered around pissing off the strongest arrancars. My minimum is 15, but I don't have a maximum. XD Review and all that nice shits. Peace peeps. XP

I am not against the LGBT community. I just think he would be annoyed by that particular word combination. *


	4. Zommari

**ANNOYING THE ESPADA**

I slept over at my friend's house and we got bored so here's the result! Does it make sense? NO! Is it supposed to? NO!  
These are _the _most suicidal and mental ideas our sleep deprived brains could think of. ENJOY!

Co Written with _'Ronnie Kobayashi' _and_ 'Rai Novak' _ whoopee.

BLEACH IS NOT OURS! nor are any other terms in here.

* * *

Chapter 4: Pissing off Zommari

1.) talk non-stop

2.) poke his face

3.) force him to wear a pretty striped sweater

4.) constantly switch languages around him

5.) play "the Nutcracker" whenever he walks into a room

6.) give him a pair of sunglasses

7.) nick name him "the turtle"

8.) ask if he and Aizen did a duet once

9.) sell all of his stuff on ebay

10.) take everything he ends up holding and say, "nope. Mine now."

11.) gift them to him in fancy boxes that say "from you secret boy friend"

12.) walk in circles around him wearing a box going "choo choo!"

13.) Ask him to go on an adventure

14.) tell him he's on a bridge.

15.) every time he's in a doorway, pretend you can see into his soul

16.) ask if he is a millipede.

* * *

With luck, this is the fourth of many crack fics centered around pissing off the strongest arrancars. My minimum is 15, but I don't have a maximum. XD Review and all that nice shits. Peace peeps. XP


	5. Grimmjow

**ANNOYING THE ESPADA**

I slept over at my friend's house and we got bored so here's the result! Does it make sense? NO! Is it supposed to? NO!  
These are _the _most suicidal and mental ideas our sleep deprived brains could think of. ENJOY!

Co Written with _'Ronnie Kobayashi' _and_ 'Rai Novak' _ whoopee.

BLEACH IS NOT OURS! nor are any other terms in here.

High fives to the peeps that recognized the reference to Charlie the Unicorn in the last chapter!

Sorry this one took so long... :D :D :D :D

* * *

Chapter 5: Pissing off Grimmjow

1.) tie catnip to his tail and watch the chaos

2.) get video and play it at the next Espada meeting

3.) tell him he needs a bath

4.) dump a bucket of water on his head

5.) set him on fire, and see how conflicted he gets

6.) shave him in his sleep

7.) give him a skank stamp

8.) draw a smiling d*** on his arm.

9.) dress him as a maid and demand nothing but sandwiches

10.) give him a litter box

11.) actually make him use the litter box

12.) refer to him as nothing but 'kitty"

13.) scratch his ear and ask him "who's a pretty kitty?"

14.) when he tries to kill you, yell over your shoulder "not you!"

15.) Tell him to keep calm and sing soft kitty.

16.) randomly start singing soft kitty.

17.) Give him a flea bath

18.) Live through making this list~

* * *

With luck, this is the fifth of many crack fics centered around pissing off the strongest arrancars. My minimum is 15, but I don't have a maximum. XD Review and all that nice shits. Peace peeps. XP


	6. Nnoitra

**ANNOYING THE ESPADA**

I slept over at my friend's house and we got bored so here's the result! Does it make sense? NO! Is it supposed to? NO!  
These are _the _most suicidal and mental ideas our sleep deprived brains could think of. ENJOY!

Co Written with _'Ronnie Kobayashi' _and_ 'Rai Novak' _ whoopee.

BLEACH IS NOT OURS! nor are any other terms in here.

Sorry this one took so long... :D :D :D :D

* * *

Chapter 6: Pissing off Nnoitra

1.) Paint him bright pink

2.) embroider his eye patch to say "PEACEFUL SPOONS"

3.) braid his hair

4.) show him a ship of him and Nel.

5.) when he vomits, simply say "well, you'd be a cute couple." *

6.) bleach his hair, than dye it bright green

7.) cut the bowl off his spoon

8.) nail his foot to the floor in Szayel's lab and make him listen to "pinkie" ramble.

9.) ask if he really raped Tesla

10.) survive after doing so

11.) every night while he's sleeping, put a spoon next to him and a note that says "spooning spoons"

12.) set him on fire (for the hell of it)

13.) cut off a bunch of his arms, stick them in flower pots and call it your fear garden~

14.) threaten to tell Grimmy aaaaaaaaall about his shrine devoted to worshipping him

15.) force him to listen to Justin Beiber for hours on end

* * *

With luck, this is the sixth of many crack fics centered around pissing off the strongest arrancars. My minimum is 15, but I don't have a maximum. XD Review and all that nice shits. Peace peeps. XP

*I am a multi shipper, and am not exclusive to NelXNnoitra

~ cookies to anyone who knows that reference!


	7. Ulquiorra

**ANNOYING THE ESPADA**

I slept over at my friend's house and we got bored so here's the result! Does it make sense? NO! Is it supposed to? NO!  
These are _the _most suicidal and mental ideas our sleep deprived brains could think of. ENJOY!

Co Written with _'Ronnie Kobayashi' _and_ 'Rai Novak' _ whoopee.

BLEACH IS NOT OURS! nor are any other terms in here.

* * *

Chapter 6: Pissing off Ulquiorra

1.) ask him if he's madly in love with Oriheme

2.) show him various ships of him and Grimmy, Aizen, Oriheme, Ichigo... etc

3.) survive after words

4.) calmly explain that his cero is a carebear stare

5.) duct tape him to a ceiling

6.) create flying amphibious piranhas to chase him around

7.) draw a mustache on him, glue a sombrero on his head with a bottle of tequilla in one hand, and a taco in the other

8.) take a picture and add the caption "Come to Hueco Mundo. We have tacos and tequilla"

9.) post said picture all around Los Noches

10.) tell Grimmy about his secret stash of catnip in his boxers.

11.) tape results

12.) tie his and Grimmy's tails together in a knot

13.) refer to it as "them tying the knot" (getting married)

14.) ask if he's Uke or seme with Grimmjow

15.) lick his arm

16.) survive this list

* * *

With luck, this is the seventh of many crack fics centered around pissing off the strongest arrancars. My minimum is 15, but I don't have a maximum. XD Review and all that nice shits. Peace peeps. XP


End file.
